Friday, February 17, 2006


I have realised that I have taken to explaining my departure from Hungary with the sentence "I am joining my boyfriend in the US". This is of course true, but inevitably necessitated a later comment to the effect of "oh, I left out an important point. We're getting married."

Why am I so queasy about telling people that this is why I am leaving? It is simple: "I am leaving Hungary because my boyfriend has asked me to marry him and we are moving to the US." There. Easy. I feel like such a cynic beside the Fiancé. To whom I never refer as my fiancé, though that is exactly what he is. Why am I so weird?

You know what, I think it is an American thing. The whole fiancé/big diamonds/big wedding thing is much more American than Belgian. I have yet to hear anyone refer to their partner as their fiancé (well, "verloofde") in this same circumstance. Big weddings happen quite often, yes, but the fuss about bridal showers, engagement parties and bachelor parties is just skipped.

Hah! So it's cultural. That's a bit of a relief. See, these American traditions make me feel like I am not properly romantic for not wanting to do things by the book, and make me feel uncommitted for not believing in marriage as a guarantee for living happily ever after.
Stupid thing is, I get all these disapproving looks (for expressing the above opinions, or admiration for filmstars) from people who hardly know me just as I am going through one of my roughest patches for missing the Boy. Still at least two and a half months until I see him. Two and a half months. And it's been a month and a half since he left. *sigh* I know it's for a good cause and I know we need to save money but sometimes it just makes me nauseous to even think about it. Sometimes all I can think is why, why, why do I have to go through this.

To pompously quote myself, if you are this far apart, you have to remember every day why this person is worth it.

*the shirt on the picture says "Ik ben verkocht" which means "I am sold (on)"


Dana said...

Do not mention cultural things. I would have some novels to write about the mixture of Belgian culture with anything else.
I guess I am among the few people that understand what you feel in this pre-marriage state of mind (from the woman's point of view of course, let's leave my husband out of it). Let me tell you that things won't get more confortable in changing from 'fiancé' to 'husband', when referring to THE man in your life. See my sentence above, 'leave my husband out of it'. Just wait a bit and you'll see.
Close your eyes and think Belgian chocolate. That should make you feel better.
See you soon!

TDEC said...

Hm Belgian chocolate. Must focus on Belgian chocolate.


Good advice Dana