Monday, August 28, 2006

Under pressure

There was a period of a few months before I moved to the States and the magical land of wedlock when I kept obsessively checking relationship sites and statistics about marriage. I kept asking myself questions, kept wanting to make sure that we could beat the odds. That we'd be happy.

What did I learn? That the fact that we are in our late twenties, from the same type of background, middle class, married for the first time, white, and college educated will stand us in good stead. I'll spare you the things that work against us.

I told one of my friends, the friend, in fact, who introduced us. I think if she had been there rather than on the phone she would have beaten me with a pillow.
"Stop looking at statistics"
So I did, until now, and now only for this post.

Why? Why all this anxiety? I was never worried about marrying the right person - he so obviously is. I was just worried about the odds. I've been thinking about it and I have some ideas of why that is.

Me: I am critical, demanding and never especially expected to marry

My parents: Divorced. Yes there is a statistical correlation. Also: a lifetime of paternal cynicism about weddings.

The Universe: Too many stories about divorce, too much emotional blood and gore in public.

What should I have learnt? Maybe this - that there is no such thing as odds when human relationship is concerned, and that you never know what the next roll of the dice will be.

I'll take my chances. Life is so much better now.

3 comments:

Dana said...

Well, no, I guess you never know. I mean I have friends who think they are single, married friends, divorced friends, friends that say they'll never marry, friends I know will never marry, etc. I actually never checked all those details before I got married, now you're giving me ideas, thanks :-) The truth is, you never know, and that makes it better, more exciting, more surprising, more annoying, more entertaining and worth taking the chances...

olafur said...

silly silly goose.

TDEC said...

yes, quite so Olafur. And yes Dana, you're right, of course, only sometimes it is easy to forget.