Friday, May 03, 2013

Is this it?

Is this it?

Today is the future I promised myself, the time when I would live up to my expectations, hopes and aspirations, when I will live life the way I wanted.

Is this it?

This is where I am in the world, and I do smell the lilacs (have you smelled the lilacs recently? best smell in the world) and know what I have. I enjoy what I have. I read books. I stop to look around (before I go back to Twitter). I tell my loved ones that I love them. I love nothing more than hugs.

Is that all?

These things I love and have learned to enjoy so much over the last three years - my Quiet Quest - is that not enough. Is that not what I wanted?

Not exactly.

No. No, I wanted something more, something bigger, something more aspirational. I wanted - I want - to be good. You know they say it takes 10,000 hours to learn a skill? I wanted to put in those hours and be actually, truly good. Then, when I'm good, I can wield my skills for good, not evil.

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